The Day

Thursday, April 4 2019.

The day.

It started out nice enough. I texted Hugh to say "Tomorrow is your last day of classes?!" (He's in first year university). I about to head home from my mom's, in a rental car. The car had bluetooth and could read texts and had a touch screen of "quick responses". The sky was blue, the tank full, and a new CD in the stereo ("Chicago" soundtrack that I picked up at the thrift store because Megan is skating to "Roxie").

He asked if we could talk. I had less than 10 minutes left on my plan. He asked when I'd be home--late afternoon, then it'd be the dinner rush, and then taking Megan to band... I explained that the car reads texts.

"Idk if this is really a conversation I want to have through texts"

"I'm driving right now. I will call you back later" (that's a "Quick Response" from the car)

"Okay, just know that I feel like this is also kind of a private matter and I don't know how I feel about everyone else being around at home."

Oh. What could it be?

It was a sad trip home. My dad died, somewhat unexpectedly, on March 16. It's hard not to cry when I'm alone in the car, travelling the route we did for 9 1/2 years to go visit my parents. Not as hard as when we went up the day he died, and had to go a different route, which took us through the isolated areas that we camped in while I was growing up. My parents moved "up north" in 1998, a year after we got married, and we had moved north-west until moving back to our home area 9 1/2 years ago. The route from where I grew up to where they moved to was not filled with the same emotions apparently. However, just knowing that I was now returning from my mom's, rather than my parents' was emotion enough.

We had dinner and I let him know I had some time before taking Megan to band. He called.  There was a lot of small talk and silence. I kept prompting him and he'd pause. Finally.

"I'm trans."

I fell apart inside. That wasn't what I was expecting, or hoping for. I was in the kitchen and I tried to keep my side vague from ears walking through. There was a lot of silence and "we'll be okay". Finally, since we weren't having a real conversation, I said it was time to take Megan to band.