There's not been a lot happening. One day, Hugh said we needed to have a talk. After about two weeks he said it again. I said it's really busy right now and if he wanted to talk, dinner would be the best time. I don't think he wanted that. He tried to have a talk while I was sewing.
I have so much to say, but I just couldn't get it out. He felt that we were angry. Well, yes, I thought. We are.
"It's not that we're angry..."
Yes, I'm angry. I'm angry that he never came to us before. I hate that he feels we're such terrible parents he couldn't talk to us. I hate that we sent him off to university, encouraged him to get engaged and have a life, and this is what happened. I'm angry he's going to have a hard time with life. I'm angry that he's had a hard time and we didn't know. I'm angry I'm losing a son.
If he had just killed himself, we wouldn't be going through this.
Yes, that thought came into my head. I was immediately horrified. I knew I wasn't saying I wished he would/did kill himself! I was horrified that I thought suicide would make this easier on everyone. I know it doesn't! I want my child. I want my son.
Why am I having such a hard time with this? I read comments and posts by other parents in some sewing groups I'm in, and it seems everything is easier for them. I read articles by parents of young transgender kids. They seem fine with it. I have two online friends with transgender kids. They never talk about the heartache. One of those is in a parenting group we've been in for 13 years. I posted about this in that group. She just left a sad face reaction and I don't think she commented. My cousin has been in transition for the past 4-5 years. My aunt and uncle seem fine with it.
How do I get there?
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